Wow, I can't believe it's been a week since the last mindblowing question...it seems that these questions require some soul searching and digging to answer. I have to say that although I know the answer to this week's question, 'What do you wish to acknowledge for yourself?' I am finding it difficult to actually put into print.
I wish to acknowledge that I AM AN ARTIST and that it's okay to claim that title for myself. That was really hard to say out loud, I have always wanted to see myself that way since the age of about 8 when I first saw an adult with a studio painting on an easel at a friend's house. It seemed magical to me at the time, that her mother created these beautiful works in her home studio. You see there were never any signs of art around my house growing up, not the two dimensional kind anyway. My mom was very creative with a sewing machine and I have since come to respect that as a beautiful art form, but drawing and painting were foreign in our home.
Of course I did have the Crayola 8 pack and coloring books to play with but certainly nothing 'fine art'. The vision I witnessed at my new freind's house was amazing to me as a young girl and I knew instantly that I wanted that life for myself! Without any real guidance I just started practicing and drawing everyhting I could and I found that over time I actually had a talent for it, although no one in the family had any clue where it was coming from.
Fast forward to Jr. & Sr. High and I found I could actually take an art class as part of my curriculum, I was in heaven. Even though I excelled academically my art classes were by far my favorite. I had a wonderful teacher in high school who encouraged me and helped me put together a portfolio and I was accepted at 'Moore College of Art' in Philadelphia.
So why is it so difficult for me to say 'I am an artist'??? I think many things have broken my spirit along the way, the first dent in my armour came when my older brother (whom I idolized) said to me 'art school is where all the weird kids go'. Comments soon followed by many who tried to tell me 'one could never make a living at it'. The final blow came when I dropped out of college after my freshman year to get a job and help out my Mom (she was struggling financially since the death of my Dad during my senior year in H.S.) Little by little all my confidence got chipped away.
I did draw from time to time while raising my children but threw most of my creative energies into homemaking, cooking, gardening and needlework. I see now that I needed an outlet! When my oldest son went to college I did take some art classes at our community college and then more at a local art guild but still I never felt worthy of the title 'Artist'.
When I became active in my church I found ways to help out by offering my artwork for everything from bulletin covers to donated pieces for our 'art show' fundraiser. I still hesitate to call myself an artist and I don't really feel worthy of the title, perhaps because I never finished my formal education or because I have watched the years slip by without allowing myself to fully engage in the process of creating. It seems there are always excuses or stumbling blocks along the way.
So back to today's wishcast, I wish to be able to acknowledge that I am indeed an artist and that it's not too late for me to start living the life I dreamed of at the age of eight!!!