Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Hide & Seek

    I have a confession to make...I've been playing hide and seek all summer! Hiding out in the comfort of home & cabin, avoiding public functions as much as possible and turning down multiple invitations to BBQ's etc. Why??? If I am to be totally honest it's because I've been 'seeking' my younger self. At 53 years of age and in full menopause I can tell you that this body has undergone some major changes since my youth. I can also tell you that I am not happy about any of them! I know that this is the natural cause of events and that many others are all in the same boat but that did little to make me feel better. I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the woman staring back at me, although she did bear an uncanny resemblance to my mother!
   I won't bore you with the details of what I know see as my mid-life crisis, suffice it to say that I have had an epiphany of sorts in the last several days. On Sunday I attended a my best friend's party, a celebration of her daughter's sweet 16 birthday! Now I can tell you right off, and she will testify to it, that I have been grumbling about attending since the invite arrived. I just didn't want to go and be in the presence of all these people I'd been trying to avoid all summer. I really didn't want anyone to see what I deemed to be the downfall of my physical condition! I did go of course, she is my BEST friend after all.
   She knew I was there out of my love for her and her daughter. Did I have a great time? Well not really, but it wasn't as bad as I imagined and my husband seemed to have a great time visiting with all his buddies (men never worry about these things). I was glad to be there for my dear friend and took my mind off my insecurities by helping her to serve, clean up etc. so that she could spend more time enjoying her guests & family. It all worked out in the end.
   So where may you ask is the 'epiphany' part of this story??? Well yesterday another very dear friend called me bright and early and asked me to join her at the beach for a few hours while the kids were in school. I knew it would just be the two of us (a fairly safe environment) and since we hadn't had many opportunities to spend time together, I ditched my housecleaning and went. We had a beautiful day, the beach was filled with shells and starfish that had washed up from last week's storm. We walked, talked and combed the shore for treasure. We spent some time painting seashells and just laughing and enjoying ourselves. This friend will be hosting a weekly Christian book study next week that I will be attending with a few other women. She talked about how she wanted to get us all to recognize the beauty within us, how we should be as kind and gentle with the words we speak to ourselves as we are with the words we use for others. Why is it we can support those around us with encouraging words but find it so hard to do the same for ourselves? That was my light bulb dare I speak to myself so badly, why I would never allow anyone to speak to a friend that way.
   So I will be kinder to myself, recognize that while my young slim body and unwrinkled face may be a thing of the past, this body has served me well. I have given birth to my beautiful and precious sons, my husband still finds me desirable despite my flaws and I hope and pray that this 'house' my soul resides in will hold up for a long time to come. I still have so much life to live, wisdom to share and lots of love to give!


  1. Oh honey, I hear you! I wonder who that old lady is looking at me in the mirror and why doesn't she look like the young one dancing in my heart?!! I think we need to look inside more than that mirror:-)

  2. What a wonderful post...I agree 100%.
    Why is it that we don't accept our friends putting themselves down but we do it to ourselves all the time?
    I think our Heavenly Father is sad when we do that because He loves us the most!
    Good for you stepping out of your comfort zone to reach out to are a beautiful person and life is wonderful!

  3. I so relate, I also don't recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror. I'm 53 also and in my mind I've frozen at somewhere in my 30's. I can't believe what I've become! I am learning to be kind to myself also, it is a slow but good lesson to learn. There is so much of life we are missing.

  4. Great post :)
    Didn't realise you had a blog - I'd have visited sooner!

  5. Amen and Amen!!! Great post, now I just have to beat that into my own head!

  6. Maybe we should just get rid of the mirrors! LOL! Seriously, I go into shock every morning when I wash my face. It's an interesting ride, this getting older stuff. My body does not want to lose weight, or exercise, or defy gravity any longer. LOL! Maybe we can all take a little comfort in knowing there are lots of other women like us out there, discovering new ways of appreciating ourselves. Thank God for our families & friends, who love us no matter what. :) Pam

  7. I hear ya sister! I am 48 and have not felt like myself in my own skin for about 8-10 years now! That seems so sad to me that I have wasted that much time not being happy with myself. I do feel, however, that I am closer to the acceptance side of all of it and do feel better that way. What is bothering me now is my actual physical health and strength going down hill. It is very bothersome to me and is all the more reason that I need to be taking better care of myself. I sure hope that you will start loving yourself and start living acceptance of this new you! It is all temporary anyway and someday we will have new bodies in heaven!

    Thanks for the great post!

    Hugs, Sharon

  8. I am in full menopause as well. I think we need to learn to love ourselves. It is always much easier to love others. At least it has been for me. Sounds like you had a lovely day with your friend. I haave nto had a day like that in years!

  9. Diva, I understand exactly where you're coming from, but honey, you and I are Christian...this body is a temporary home for our soul... TEMPORARY.

    Nearly 3 decades ago, a very sage soul told me to think of my body as a tree, each ring representing strength, resilience, CHARACTER, etc.

    Today, I tell you to stop looking at TV shows and commercials, magazines and their ads. They are neither real, nor your friends.

    You are a unique and glorious gift from God, the perfect you, no one could do a better job of it.
    Remember that.

    And this is an aside: 'Menopause' is a moment in time, when menstrual cycles have ceased for 12 full months. Everything else is 'pre-' (peri-), or post-menopausal.

    You and I are post-menopausal. Isn't it FABULOUS? Would you really want to be 20, 30, 40 again? Would you even want to relive yesterday? Not me, not for all the money in the world.


  10. This post is exactly what I needed to read today. Transitions are always difficult -- and I do not like change --- I totally understand how the change of wardrobe in itself is more than one can endure during this transition period. So, as I struggle with my own similar thoughts, I applaud you for putting yours into words!

  11. Wonderful Post, left me with teary eyes.The thing I can't get over is just how many women out there all over the world feel just the same as I many women are going through exactly the same thing that I am going through, and here i was for years thinking that there was something wrong with me. Thank you for your honest post.xx