Wednesday, October 14, 2009
I'm not entirely sure that this emotional roller coaster ride is what Jamie had in mind when posing her questions. Perhaps this is just happening to me because I am finding myself at a difficult place right now. If you have read any of my previous posts you are aware that my sister was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. More recent tests are showing it has spread to both lungs and lymph nodes placing her in stage 4. She will soon begin chemotherapy and I am trying to be a source of strength for her. While trying to remain upbeat I am acutely aware of the realities she is facing and I am finding this mentally and emotionally draining.
I believe that whenever we are faced with our own mortality or that of a loved one we question what we once thought as truth. We begin to prioritize and realize what is truly important. I so wish I could go back to ignorant bliss, before I started digging for my truth. This inner journey I'm afraid is going to be a painful one.
When tragedy strikes, our 'serenity' as we knew it is gone, our courage wanes and we lose the wisdom to see us through the dark hours ahead. So today I wish to let go of my insecurities and to find peace once again. I wish to let go of fear and for God to grant our family and especially my sister the courage to fight this fight. Finally I wish to let go of the pain that the unknown can bring and pray for the wisdom we will need to see us through this dark corridor so that we may find the doorway to light!