Monday, October 25, 2010

Finding My Way Back

after a very long hiatus from blogging
is proving to be much harder than I thought.

I have been struggling to find some balance in my life
and as the primary caregiver for my sister it has been
somewhat of a struggle.
Some of you may remember that she was diagnosed
with lung cancer last August, it's been a tough year.

I am by no means complaining, I am fortunate to be
able to help her through all of this. I simply found myself
overwhelmed by the demands on my time and so
 stepped away from posting on my blog.

                                                    While I am in charge of her care I am also
                                             the person who has to keep all the other family members
                                             caught up on her condition etc. To say I craved solitude
                                             would be a huge understatement. By the end of my days
                                             I have little to share and simply tire in the retelling of it all.
                                                   I want to assure you that even though
                                          I very much wanted to be alone most evenings, I
                                          never felt lonely. I very much enjoyed reading all of
                                          your blog entries and felt like you were all close by.
                                         A few of you emailed or checked in, you know who you are, 
                                        and made me feel like I was missed. For that I thank you.
                                      A few followers dropped me from their rolls, but that's okay.
                                                         I have been gone a long time.
                                         Some days were especially difficult, and I'm sure there
                                         are more tough times to come. At times it feels like sitting
                                         at the edge of the world with nothing to keep you from
                                        falling into a great abyss. Thankfully God has been walking
                                       beside me and though I often feel like the ground beneath
                                       my feet is slipping away I know that He is holding me tight.
                                                 So if you'll bear with what may be sporadic
                                                 posting I think I just may be ready to come
                                                                      out of hiding.

p.s.  You may or may not have noticed the change in the title of my blog (everything else is the same).
        It seemed appropriate since I seem to be spending so much of my time there. 


  1. Oh, Diva. I am so very sorry to hear about your sister. I know that taking care of a family member is...well, wrenching. You want to take care of them, of course, but it is exhausting and stressful. Please take care of yourself, and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. xox! Pam

  2. Welcome back dear (and your sister) are always in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs and blessings...

  3. I have missed you and wondered about you. Sometimes we all need to back away from Blogland for a little bit. Taking care of your sister is much more important and that's where you need to focus your energies but we'll still be here when you want to come back.

  4. Wishing you much strength in such a difficult time.

  5. We are all with you, you are a wonderful carer, thank God she has you and such a supportive network of family....xxxxx

  6. Diva, I love the new blog title and you know I love you and Ceil. Every single day I keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. And when I'm caring for my mom, I think about the two of you. I wish I could give you both a big hug. xo

  7. Oh I don't know how this slipped past me completely. Caregiving is the most difficult work (perhaps the most rewarding as well) that you can do. You have described the feelings so very well. I don't usually pester my blogging friends when they are away, but I will be keeping a bit closer eye on you. Saying a prayer for your sister and for you and for the entire family. Glad that you feel like peeking in again from time to time...

  8. Thinking about you as you help your sister and praying for her recovery.


  9. hi, honey.
    i was surprised and happy to see that you posted.
    i know what you're going through, how much you have on your shoulders, but your attitude is right - when you get to the point that you simply just can't do it any more, you take a deep breath and know that God is carrying you.

    I wish you peace.
    I'll talk to you later.
    xxxooo, jan

  10. Your sister is so very blessed to have you in her life and I'm sure you feel the same way having her in your life. My mom took care of my dad while he was battling cancer and I remember well how much it took out of her. Not only did she have him to care for, she still had my two youngest brothers at home to take care of. She never had much time for herself and yet, like you, would have it no other way:-) You blog when you can, you truly don't need the stress of feeling like you HAVE to post every day or even once a week. If people can't understand that, then that's their problem!! Please know that I'm thinking of you and praying for your sister. xoxo

  11. What a beautiful post! I have never been in your position, but could only hope I would take it on with such love and enthusiasm:D I love Josh Grobin and reading your words and hearing his moving song brought tears to my eyes! Thanks so much for taking a minute to tell me you were out there........I really appreciate it. Artful hugs, Linda

  12. I have really missed you, my friend. I'm praying for you as you walk this journey with your sister. Come here when you can and when you can't just know we are still here, loving and supporting and praying!

  13. Dear Diva,
    You'll be in our prayers. Caring for the sick is indeed a challenge. And the best place for solace you say here..."on your knees".
    Mary Lou

  14. Surely thats what blogging is all about? Thinking of you and wishing you patience and peace.

  15. I am a caregiver also. Recently I reached such burnout, I didn't know what to do. Then I realized I had gotten lost in people pleasing. Even my blog had become a mangery of commitments to blogging events and things. Then I stopped and realized the thing that helps me to rest from caregiving the most is creating. Just a few minutes creating and I feel like the Lord has given me oxygen. Balance, well now that is a horse of a different color. I don't think anyone has balance in their lives. yet, I started watercolor painting again, and I take a class one morning a week. I stopped joining skatey-eight events and feel so much better.

    As a caregiver, take time to create, feed your spirit with the gift that God gave to you.


  16. I'm lovin' the change in your blog. Yep, I too have found that sometimes live and bloggin' do not go hand in hand.

    I lost my Dad this month and also watch over my dear MIL on top of the Ponderosa and eight grandkiddos. Throw in my Pre-Teen Sunday School, Kids Church and numerous activities I'm lucky to throw one post up a week. Real life totally comes first baby! :o)

    Take care of you and have a extraordinarily blessed weekend sweetie!!!

  17. I was a caregiver to my mother in her final year of life. (I started blogging after her death.)
    You are handling it with such grace- grace I didn't accept. Give it back to G-d however you can- on your knees, with your joy, with your anger- however it comes.
    I would love to have another chance.

    Peace to you.

  18. Hi Diva.
    I've checked in from time to time and hoped you would return. Welcome back. It will be nice to read your posts when you have the will and the time to post them.
    I completely understand your feelings. I am the sole caregiver for my Mom and it does take more time and energy than people realize. We sometimes forget to take care of ourselves and keep ourselves healthy mentally and physically because we are so in tune with the needs of the one we care for.
    God is always there for us, Diva, and so are friends. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as well as your sister. You will be happy that you spent so much time with her. I just lost my dear brother and I am grateful for every minute I had with him.
    Take care, Diva. I send you love and hugs.
    ♥ audrey